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26 September 2023 @ 01:29 am
Some entries are Friends Only, some are public.

27 March 2015 @ 02:10 pm
I went to a bible class last night, same as usual lately on Tuesdays. But there were just 2 of us. I talked about the couple who counseled me at the church I went to in 2009 after not going for a long time.

I am furious that they did not think of FASTING and PRAYING when it seemed obvious things did not work. But I didn't think of it either. Then again, it's their job. Also "GG" was lying about a lot of stuff, she was quite NOT friendly in general, and they got kicked out of church. Before that, they asked me for a testimonial, but it was because they were going to get kicked out because of GG. And because he was more devoted to his own ministry and wanted to promote himself, not the church. I think.

Now maybe I should go say, maybe you should think about this if

Today, 3-26-15:
I did go to Larry's funeral, LATE and I did not go to his service, what an opportunity missed. In the sense that I did not care enough about his friends, who did love him, but I decided I did not care for Larry. I really wanted to go, or really thought I wanted to.

I couldn't go to Jesus' birthday party And he got upset after he was all cheered up after I hugged him.

I am so disappointed that I didn't have courage and that I am nothing nothing nothing.
18 March 2015 @ 04:48 pm
I guess I have a stomach virus. There has been one going around, and I have this thing that seems to get triggered off by me taking Vitamin E. I have the same kind I've taken for years, though I did take a break from it when I ran out. I couldn't decide whether it was the yogurt or the vitamins.

I made a cover for my April journal, which I have not started yet. It's got a rabbit on it, which is something that sort of intimidates me. I feel seeing one means I am going to fast, like the tortoise and the hare.
09 March 2015 @ 05:01 pm
I'm lonely and I don't know what to do.
06 March 2015 @ 05:40 pm

umm umm Umm...
love mary SisterRosettaTharpe100B
lilvenkman gandalfonline alice

Some icons, maybe  should make an icon journal and get familiar with tables. But if I have to do this all at the library, as I currently am, I don't think I can do it. It seems to take way too long.
24 January 2015 @ 05:27 pm
I uploaded a letter my dad had written to me in 1981. I had done a sketch (or two0 of my aunt Joanne, his sister, on the back of it.

Behind the cutCollapse )
That was from a photo of her just out of nursing school, I think she was an RN. Odd none of her kids went for the medical field. They look like they are taken from a different angle, but it's from the same photo.
16 January 2015 @ 12:20 am
If money wasn't an issue, would you go back to school to study something? If so, what would it be and why?
I think I would. There would have to be a lot of money for food, clothes, books and transportation(& whatever else) in addition to tuition, as I do not have a job right now.

This is a very general answer since I don't think, or haven't thought about it realistically in years.

Art and or writing would be it for me. I used to think art and psychology, & I did get a year and a half of college. I didn't know what the heck was doing back then, or I would not have quit.
16 December 2014 @ 12:07 pm Just funny. Boredbutton is fun.
12 December 2014 @ 02:51 pm
A little consideration, a little thought for others makes all the difference.
20 November 2014 @ 04:36 pm
There was this cool video last night of a guy who was asking are you a mentor, or do you have one, a mentor or mentee? He was a preacher who was a friend of several people at the church where I attended last night, fondly remembered. He was saying Jesus said, if I do not go--die and leave you apostles-- then the Comforter will not come (the Holy Spirit). This guy was saying you need to teach other people to do what you know how to do, this is your legacy.

He talked about his son and daughter, who were 29 and 30, who were now running his business. He had something in his life to teach someone else, and he left it with them.

As it happens, very shortly after this guy gave his speech, he died in a plane crash.

He stressed the importance of having this teaching and training of someone else, or many others. And he asked, as I said, what are you passing on?

For me it's my journals. That's about all I can think of, plus whatever else I can.
17 November 2014 @ 07:11 pm
I posted an article at embodiment about Harriet the Spy, this year is the 50th anniversary. I asked about inspirations and got some interesting replies.

I don't know if I will ever get to these, but Elizabeth Wurtzel's books were mentioned (I've never even read Prozac Nation, but it does sound interesting), Hannah and the Angels (sounds kind of young for me, but you never know--it was a childhood influence for someone), Amelia's Notebook---that looks good, age difference or no. Also Sylvia Plath and Anais Nin were mentioned.

There were some interesting ideas for journals mentioned there today also, sort of prompts and journal styles too.

embodiment is for journalers who write every day, which basically I do, unless I'm absolutely very sick or something terribly unusual comes up.

Elizabeth Wurtzel
Amelia's Notebook
Hannah and the Angels
Poppy Brite / Courtney Love
Sylvia Plath
Anais Nin
Current Location: see music
Current Mood: better
Current Music: it's the library
13 November 2014 @ 04:47 pm

Just sayin'
10 November 2014 @ 04:02 pm
Sat. 11-8-14: have a bed, thanks to friend Linda who is always helpful to the max. I helped her drag the mattress & box springs in, then get table and chairs (from a garage sale) from her truck to Bridget's porch.

Oh yeah, got sheets too.

I am at the library, got four books which I a very glad about--a Stephen King that's  new to me, two new to me by  with John Grisham, and Jonathan Kellerman. I am not that familiar with JK but just need something to read. I finished The Hours by Michael Cunningham, it was very well written. Rather sad, at both ends. And I have The Oath, by Elie Wiesel. The whole bedbug thing and sleeping on the floor, and my room being all goofy for a year, just makes me disoriented. WEll, all of the weirld stuff in my life makes me feel disoriented.  (They are spraying again for bedbugs, or more likely doing another bomb, on Monday) .

The Stephen King one is a Richard Bachman novel, Roadwork.

Today: finished Roadwork, then Gone. Very cheery material. Not. I usually can't put Stephen King down, and sometimes that's a curse. This time it was a bit creepy for me.

We are having a bedbug bomb today, so I get to keep busy till at least 6:30 p.m., not a problem with a library available.

The bedbug shit. It's still hurting all the fuss over it. But I guess there is something worse.

Great link, the technique worked for someone at TQC who had a bad earache, could not tolerate ampicillin. I used 2 12 or 16 ounce bottles of hot tap water which finally knocked out a really bad eye/ear/nose/throat thing:
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06 November 2014 @ 10:58 am
barrowbanneroriginal watercolorlove facehi

Dunno why feeling sad over #1, a scene from The Fellowship, I believe. Bad times though, now that I think of it. Good drawing, I think.
11 October 2014 @ 04:22 pm
Title says it all, hope it is a good one tomorrow.
01 October 2014 @ 03:03 pm
Sponsor Call day, so a bit more sane-feeling than usual. I have been doing 3 Bible studies a week in the last few months. Sometimes haven't made it, unfortunately missed a good speaker on Revelation last week.

I believe this is "Black Anna" by one of my favorite artists, Kaethe Kollwitz:

Current Location: library
Current Mood: improved over yesterday
Current Music: A mighty Fortress , What Wondrous Love Is This, Deep Deep Love, Holy Holy Holy
25 September 2014 @ 12:27 pm
icondefault spiralfade spiral lookback writercirclebase

I modified the writer icon base, but it is not that great, & I will probably try again. For now I am using the one that's a bit worked-on looking, has a circle around it and the original color. The plain one was worked on too, but just clarified mainly.


The cup and spoon in bowl is from a journal page, & I just cleaned up what was around it.
whole page behind cutCollapse )
18 September 2014 @ 05:22 pm
I let go of Rosemary M-o~0=n this week or last, because...Terry had said she was mean. But she does send those letters every year. I never followed up on my confirmation sponsorship because I never believed in the church. Or I was angry.

I feel helpless and ...what's past is past. I wish I could go through some of it though, with a sponsor.

I did what I always do, I start to succeed, then I make up a reason to back out. Some of me thinks I could have made it somehow without telling anyone about the bbs.
26 August 2014 @ 04:16 pm
I obtained a tracball mouse at the free store this a.m., plus 2 pair shoes and other clothing items, and couple for some for my sister.

And I am just plain in a mostly good mood.

I just accidentally clicked on this a minute ago:

What’s New · Writer-in-Residence Program


The Public Library of Cincinnati and Hamilton County Foundation Writer-in-Residence Program

The Public Library of Cincinnati and Hamilton County invites applications from local writers for the first Writer-in-Residence program. This program will provide the opportunity for a local writer to showcase his or her literary work and promote writing and literacy in the community.

Dates of residency: September through November 2014

Benefits of residency:

  • $10,000 stipend

Requirements for eligibility:

  • Active full or part-time writer

  • Must reside in southwest Ohio

  • Must conduct a writer’s workshop, speak at four community events and participate in Library promotions during residency

Applicants should submit the following:

  • A cover letter outlining interest in the residency

  • Current resume, including a list of publications and completed projects

  • A sample of recent work

Application deadline: All materials must be received by August 31, 2014

Send materials to:

The Public Library of Cincinnati and Hamilton County
Attention: Kimber L. Fender, The Eva Jane Romaine Coombe Director
800 Vine Street
Cincinnati, OH 45202

The candidate selected will be announced in September at the Library Foundation Donor Event.

Just interesting. A thought going through my head this week is "a little money, and a room of one's own": Virginia Woolf I believe.

I hope the mouse works, I have a friend's old computer, and would like to get it to run decently, would like to use one at home.
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Current Mood: excitedexcited
25 July 2014 @ 03:02 pm
I was in such a bad way emotionally this a.m. that I decided I was happier when I wasn't perfect. Or perfectly, painfully honest about things that are not that important but make me feel guilty.
15 July 2014 @ 12:19 pm
This is Martin Freeman, who of course plays Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit movies. That cup reminded me of one I bought a few years ago at Goodwill for .50¢. It now has a chip in it, but I really love it, it just has happy stripes on it (see second pic, found quite a few pics of it in Google, since it was a Starbucks mug).


large on black
07 July 2014 @ 03:22 pm
Had a double birthday dinner, not much got talked about, middle bro got rather plastered. That was on Friday. I went out for little while to see what fireworks were going on locally, and sat and watched few blocks away, for a while. Just enough so I didn't feel deprived, not enough to be bored. The local police look the other way every year while monstrous displays go on, it's all okay if no one gets hurt.

They ignore just about everything I think. A friend reported a rather suspicious "Asian Bodywork" establishment that lists no services, has nothing but towels and lovely young Asian women in it. They are open all hours, apparently. It doesn't remotely look like a legitimate massage parlor. I don't think anything is going to get done about it. There is no vice squad in this police dept.

I wonder what would happen if they asked for passports? These women were no doubt lured out of their country with the promise of jobs, then had their passports taken, were drugged and beaten, and of course they don't even speak the language. If anyone gets arrested, the girls will get deported, and the pimps? I wonder.

Someone gave me a website, ph# to report human trafficking. Might be the only resort. This is not the first such place to pop up within a few blocks, and it seems like they were there years before anyone caught on.
27 June 2014 @ 05:48 pm
Kind of freaked out--a friend from high school/college just friend requested me on Facebook. I had pretty much sworn her off. She basically did the same to me many years ago, said I was her best friend...not that I felt the same way or wanted her to say that, I felt clumsy about it.

She kept saying I could talk to her about anything, anything, whenever I felt like talking to anyone. Then she seemed to do a turnabout, one day told me how selfish I was, etc.

Bottom line I don't feel like friending her back. Though maybe an explanation is in order. Other than the great big telling off, there is other stuff. One major thing is that there was a night I went out walking and met her and a friend, not intentionally, they just happened to be out at the same time really late.

They acted really weird but said they were going to the rectory and I went with them, and something quite nasty happened that my alters told me about. I barely remember anything. It took me years to realize something happened, and longer to figure out just what I'm saying now.

Counselors were saying I need to forgive her for not listening to me when I really needed someone to talk to. I didn't tell them everything, there just wasn't time. There is more.

But I just don't trust her--I can't believe someone who called herself my best friend expects to friend me again without some kind of discussion. I am seriously afraid that whatever she did that night is something she was involved in again.

This just is not right.
24 June 2014 @ 03:00 pm
I happened to pick up a book to look at while I was waiting for a computer--I Forgot to Remember by Su Meck. I flipped to the last chapter or so, and she's talking about not being able to remember anything, some days not even how to read or do math, and that she is too embarrassed to ask or explain sometimes. The description of her mindset is so familiar.

"Early on, I had learned to swallow my questions altogether or to only occasionally ask Jim or the kids about stuff I didn't understand. I clung to Jim's side in public, following his cues, speaking only when I was absolutely sure of the right thing to say."

That's how I feel a lot of the time, most of my life I have felt that way. That I remember.

I was "remembering" some stuff from my teen life (someone says "lie") and of course it isn't pretty, about my mom. I want to figure out the lie before I say it.

I already feel I have told my Al-anon friends a version of the truth that at least falls short of something major. I was doing my best at the time, and I was sort of aware something was telling me just not to say anything. But it's kind of hard not to say anything.

I made a Tumblr account after seeing a post about the autism community there, I'm entersinging. I don't know if I'm going to do much there, I don't seem to be able to do much at a lot of the places I have an account. No internet or even non-internet computer at home, so, yep.
13 June 2014 @ 04:09 pm
made a couple weeks ago, just messing with brushes and textures. But I don't know what I want to do with the graphic program. Some other stuff.

And a Marilyn icon, after googling 'woman writing in journal'.